


Watching

by jamesgatz1925



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Smut, Sonny POV, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:26:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: Sonny sees too much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure where this came from. It’ll have another chapter after this. I couldn’t just leave Sonny where he was. Not without a little resolution.

Sonny climbed the stairs to the too fancy apartment building two at a time. The quicker he got upstairs, the quicker he could leave. Places like this made him uncomfortable, places that were too modern and fancy. His own personality was not reflected in such architecture. He was more old fashioned and traditional.

But alas, it was not his apartment building. It was Barba’s, and he was climbing two at a time to slip in and out of the apartment unnoticed. Usually he wouldn’t even be making a house-call, but Barba needed a file from the precinct and was working from home. He gave Sonny strict instructions that the front door was unlocked, to leave the file on the kitchen island, and to not bother him. He told Sonny he was working in his office and his short visit to drop the file would suffice.

Part of Sonny did wish Barba wanted him to stay, to assist in this case that was making Barba so crazy that he couldn’t be bothered to leave his house. Sonny was always desperate to show Barba how useful he could be.

At first, he wondered why. He wondered why it was in him to prove something to Barba. The power? The professional admiration?

It was when Sonny decided he needed to impress Barba by dressing better, losing the ‘stache, and styling his hair better that he realized he had the major hots for the older man and wanted Barba to notice him. Sonny wondered, then, why the realization didn’t come sooner. He didn’t play baseball his senior year with pants a size too small for comfort—and luckily the brute and sexy catcher on said baseball team noticed.

Barba never noticed Sonny, and Sonny felt like a fool. Which was why the quicker he got in the apartment to drop off the file, the quicker he could hightail it out of there to be alone with his longing daydreams of Barba asking him to stay, to help, Barba offering him a drink, blaming making a move on Barba on the expensive alcohol...

Sonny shook the thought of kissing scotch off Barba’s lips as he approached the front door. As promised, it was unlocked, so Sonny slipped right into the apartment.

He tried not to look around, but the space was big and open and Sonny couldn’t not look. The walls were white, or off white, with exposed brick to one side and beams visible on the ceiling. It was a gorgeous apartment. It felt homey, Sonny was surprised to know, because Barba seemed like a man who practically slept at his office.

The kitchen island was almost immediate to his left, so Sonny dropped the file and turned to leave.

That’s when he noticed a short trail of clothing leading down the hall to a door just barely ajar.

Sonny’s instinct was to be concerned. It wasn’t the first time Sonny’d walked into a house to find clothes scattered about, and those were crime scenes. He was immediately worried that something terrible had happened, or was happening, to Barba.

Sonny began to follow the trail, then noticed something else peculiar. There were two sets of clothes. A tie and a nice sweater, a dress shirt and a belt.

Was Barba...with someone? Did he decide to work from home, then enjoy an afternoon delight?

Sonny knew he should go. He should leave and never return. But something compelled him to move forward towards the room which was probably the bedroom. Worry that something could be wrong? Curiosity? Jealousy? All three feelings burned deep as Sonny tiptoed towards the door.

Sonny shouldn’t have, he knew that, “Stop!” was screaming at him as he peeked an eye in the opening of the door. He had the fear of getting caught running through him, but as soon as he caught sight of the activity going on in the bedroom, it was jealousy that surged through him.

He recognized the kid Barba was pounding into the mattress immediately. His name was Jackson Howard, and—okay, Sonny supplied in his head—he wasn’t a kid. He was a fellow ADA in Barba’s office, about Sonny’s age, but he looked like he’d seen far fewer horrors in his life than Sonny. Sonny felt old around him, with the kid’s perfect skin, hair that was only one color, and suits just as fancy as Barba’s. Sonny knew the two of them fit.

Clearly they fit far more than Sonny did with Barba, because it was Howard that Barba had in his bed. It was Howard with his legs around Barba’s waist, Howard saying, “Rafi, yes—“ over and over, and Sonny could hear it even though he was trying his hardest to block it out.

Sonny was lost in thought as he watched for far too long, not moving, not even breathing. Why couldn’t it have been him? Okay, maybe Barba didn’t not notice him. Sonny always just tried to push it away to not get his hopes up. Sonny avoided Barba’s gaze at times, didn’t linger too long with each touch because he didn’t want Barba to back away disgusted. But Barba never did. Barba watched him, Barba would smirk, Barba would absolutely flirt.

Sonny thought—

He didn’t know what he thought. Because obviously something with Barba was off the table.

Barba gave Howard a hard thrust forward and Howard cried out in pleasure. Sonny’s cock finally got his attention. He was half hard from watching, previously unnoticed because he was thinking very deeply about the jealousy coursing through him, but of course half of his brain was paying a lot of attention to the scene before him.

And fuck, Barba looked so good having sex. Way better than Sonny could have ever imagined, and he did do a lot of that. From Barba’s body to the moves he thought Barba would use in bed, Sonny had thought about all of that.

Sonny didn’t need to leave much to the imagination anymore, as he was watching it all unfold right then and there.

And he should have left, Sonny knew that, but he figured the sins he committed today could be salvaged tomorrow with half a dozen Rosary’s, so he kept watching.

Sonny couldn’t take his eyes off Barba. He looked amazing. Barba wasn’t an overweight man, but he did have some meat on him; he was so solid and looked strong. Muscular where it was necessary with a light dusting of hair across his chest. He looked bitable, Sonny thought, as he watched Barba’s belly flex and tighten with each rough breath.

Sonny loved the look on Barba’s face. His eyes were fixed on Howard below him, so determined and unfocused. Sonny wished he could see Barba’s pupils dilated with arousal. He wished he could be that close.

Barba’s lips looked kiss-swollen, red and the bottom puffy. With a bite? What Sonny wouldn’t give—

Howard groaned long and loud. Sonny’s cock twitched but not from that man, from the thought of Barba doing to him what made Howard cry as such.

Sonny squeezed his thighs together.

Barba moved suddenly and Sonny scooted out of the doorway in case someone decided to look around. He heard rustling, some more faint moans from Howard, but when he heard a deeper, more obvious groan, Sonny couldn’t stop himself from peeking again.

He was glad he did. Barba was on his knees still, leaning back, and Howard was in front of him on all fours, sucking greedily at Barba’s cock.

Sonny’s mouth literally watered. He had previously tried not to imagine Barba’s dick, because even his own brain drew the line somewhere. But, even if he had thought about it, Sonny would have underestimated. The man’s cock was long, thick, and looked incredibly hard, and Sonny longed to have it deep down his throat. He wanted Barba to fuck into his mouth, Sonny wanted to choke on it, make it dirty.

Barba sighed contently as his head fell back, he laced fingers in Howard’s blonde hair, and thrust his hips only barely.

Sonny couldn’t stop; he palmed himself through his slacks. He wanted Barba for himself. He wanted his jaw to ache with it.

Eventually, as Sonny squeezed his cock to the sight of Barba get his cock sucked, Barba pulled Howard off and into a kneeling position himself. Sonny hardly took notice of the other man, he just watched Barba yank Howard into a hard kiss. He longed for Barba to do the same to him, for Barba to lick into his mouth so deep to get the taste of himself off Sonny’s tongue.

The kiss was sloppy and hardly sweet. It was a kiss that made Sonny wonder how close the men were. He’d never waste kisses with Barba with kisses that meant nothing. All would be meaningful and adoring, their tongues would swirl sweetly, and Sonny would hold Barba’s head in place with both hands on his face. Unlike Howard, who wasn’t even touching Barba in any other place than where their lips were connected.

Barba finally pushed Howard away, then Howard turned and leaned over, presenting his ass for Barba’s pleasure. Barba grabbed a clean condom and took a minute to slip it on. Sonny was relieved by that; a surge of possessiveness he didn’t have went through him. As if, if given the chance with Barba, he’d ensure everything for them to be closer than Barba was with Howard.

But that was a thought for another time, because Sonny’s thoughts ended when Barba thrusted into Howard in one movement. Howard moaned long and dirty, and Barba began moving his hips with no rhythm, just chasing his orgasm. Howard kept up by reaching between his own legs, and Sonny mimicked, imagining himself in Howard’s position. As if he’d never be able to get the idea out of his head again.

He wanted to fuck Rafael so bad it hurt, both his aching cock, trapped in his slacks, and his heart. Sonny wanted the chance with Barba. Just one chance. One lifetime.

Sonny willed himself not to come when Howard visibly shivered and spilled on Barba’s sheets. It wasn’t hard to stop his own orgasm, not when a minute later Sonny thought he’d pass out with the rest of the blood left in his body rushed south at the sight of Rafael coming. He thrusted against Howard once, hard, then stilled and moaned deeply. His fingers clenched Howard’s hips, and Sonny wished it was him Barba was leaving bruises on.

When Barba pulled out and Howard slumped over on the bed, Sonny knew he’d better get out of there. For one reason, he knew they’d be moving soon. But for a bigger reason, he didn’t want to see what kind of affection Barba would give Howard. He didn’t want to see Barba give Howard kisses, or smile at him, or even hear Barba talk to him.

Sonny rushed out of the apartment so quickly that he didn’t notice the door shutting too loudly behind him. All he was worried about was facing Barba later, not thinking about this for the rest of his life, the shame and embarrassment of admitting to himself that he’d just watched Barba fuck someone, and how he was going to catch a cab while hiding his raging erection.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The door slamming dozens of feet away made Jackson jump. Rafael remained stock still, catching his breath with a small smirk spreading across his lips.

“You’re a terrible person,” Jackson observed, and Rafael felt the other man’s eyes on him.

He chuckled.

Jackson continued, “Evil, manipulative, devious—“

Rafael cut him off. “I could have not told you, and then what would I be? To both of you.”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me know you were using me—“

“You agreed.”

“You were lucky I was planning on coming over today anyway.”

Rafael literally had Jackson penciled in. Work from home? Call the other man for an afternoon free of worry. Just sex. That’s absolutely all it ever was. Jackson was a friend who Rafael could call on when he was stressed, or lonely, and Jackson did the same with him. It had been a wonderful arrangement, all agreed upon, and this time Jackson had agreed to ‘accidentally’ let Carisi see them having sex.

“I didn’t expect him to stay so long,” Jackson said next.

“I wouldn’t resist watching me,” Rafael said.

Jackson laughed. “You’re such an ass. Speaking of,” Jackson added, “Why can’t you just ask him out like a normal person?”

“Because I like him,” Rafael told him.

Jackson’s jaw dropped dramatically. “And you don’t like me?”

Rafael looked at him. “God, no.”

“You sure know what to say to a guy, Rafi.”

Jackson turned to Rafael’s nightstand for his phone. Then, he whistled in surprise and began to sit up.

“Jesus, I gotta go. I got a meeting with your best friend.”

“Tell Rita I said hello,” Rafael answered, knowing Jackson was being sarcastic about the ‘best friend’ part. Although, he knew Rita would ask Jackson how he was, and Jackson would say something crass like, ‘He was great, thanks for asking.’

Jackson paused while pulling his slacks on and smiled fondly down at Rafael. “I’ll miss this.”

“Hmm?” Rafael asked. “Me?”

Jackson shrugged. “Hell no. Sex so easily accessible. You know how hard it’s going to be finding someone else?”

“And here I thought I meant something.”

Jackson snorted. “As much as I do, I guess. My shirt’s in the living room; I’ll see myself out. Let me know how it goes.”

Rafael stayed in the bed for a few more minutes, before he’d get up to change the sheets and get back to work. He just smiled, satisfied by the afternoon, and the thought of getting under Carisi’s skin.

* * *

 

Rafael couldn’t let the guilt get to him. It wasn’t like he deliberately tricked Carisi. And he didn’t use Jackson. Jackson knew, Jackson was okay with it. Jackson called him an ass all the time, that wasn’t new.

He hoped his plan would move forward as expected. He hoped Carisi would listen to him.

The day after the incident, Rafael waltzed into the precinct as confident as ever. He marched right up to Carisi’s desk where the man was just ending a call.

Carisi jumped when he saw him. Rafael loomed over him as Carisi avoided his eyes.

“Carisi,” Rafael said. “I just wanted to say thank you for dropping that file off yesterday. I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“Oh, you—“ Carisi practically squeaked. Nervous. He cleared his throat and tried again. “That’s good, you said you didn’t want to be interrupted. While you were working. That’s why you left the front door open. Right? I’d hate to know you leave your front door open under habit.”

Carisi was rambling. He did that. Rafael loved it. He just watched Carisi work through all of his thoughts.

“Right,” Rafael said. “I was just too busy to answer the door.”

Carisi swallowed hard. “Right,” he said.

Rafael licked his lips. For the first time, Carisi looked at his face. Rafael wondered if he was imagining Sonny’s eyes trailing his tongue.

“Listen,” Rafael said, finishing the show with a smirk, “I could use your help. My office, this afternoon?”

Carisi looked nervous. Nonetheless, he agreed, and Rafael left him rattled at his desk.

* * *

 

He really did need Carisi’s help, that wasn’t a lie. Rafael needed some help with the wording of his opening statement, because sometimes Carisi had an easier way of explaining things that was necessary for some juries.

And Rafael wanted to discuss the previous day.

Not toy with Carisi. But jealousy was one hell of an ice breaker, and if Carisi was jealous, it could get the ball rolling.

And Rafael wanted to explain everything. That he and Jackson were nothing, that he wasn’t just having sex with anyone who walked through the door, that he wanted Carisi.

So Carisi arrived exactly at noon, which was wonderful, even though he nervously entered the room and sat stiffly at the seat in front of Rafael’s desk. Rafael had the opening statement laid out in front of him, to show Carisi they did need to work, to maybe help him relax.

“So,” Carisi started first, “What’d’ya need, counselor?”

Rafael explained the situation, and Carisi loosened up quickly, knowing they were really working.

Soon, they got more comfortable. Carisi removed his jacket, rolled up the sleeves. Rafael stood to pace, as he usually did.

Eventually, he paused right in front of Carisi. They kept talking, and Carisi stood to join.

It was strange how half of their flirting revolved around work. It was mostly getting worked up when fighting about a case, or Carisi making himself at home on the edge of Rafael’s desk, or Rafael making rude jokes at Carisi’s expense. It was flirting to Rafael.

“Say something about the destruction of justice,” Carisi said.

“You like that term, don’t you?” Rafael coyly asked.

Carisi smiled. “It sounds good.”

“Like obfuscate?” Rafael joked, leaning slightly closer to Carisi. How badly he wanted to reach out and touch the exposed skin of Carisi’s forearms.

Carisi blushed. “Yeah, sometimes I think you’d take me more seriously if I said ‘obfuscate’ instead of ‘obscure’.”

“I do take you seriously, Carisi,” Rafael said. “I ask for your help, don’t I?”

“Yeah, because nobody else can deliver files to your house.”

Rafael grinned. “I wanted you to deliver it.”

Realization seemed to dawn on Carisi.

“Wait—“

Guilt surged through Rafael, but he powered through.

“What exactly did you see yesterday, Carisi?”

Carisi swallowed hard. “Nothing.”

“Nothing? The front door opened and closed and awfully long time apart.”

“I—“ Carisi was embarrassed.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Rafael tried to assure him. Carisi didn’t back away, which was a good sign. “What if I...didn’t mind that you saw?”

“You...called me over on purpose?” Carisi asked, clearly offended.

“Not necessarily. But Jack did know.”

“And you and Jack, are...”

“Nothing. It’s you I want, Carisi. It’s always been you.”

Carisi took a deep breath. Rafael felt it against his cheek. “But you were with someone else just yesterday.”

“Jack and I had an arrangement.”

“Had?” Carisi asked, sounding hopeful.

“Had. It never began so it wasn’t difficult to end.”

Carisi nodded. “But...”

The jealousy, Rafael thought.

“Are you upset I was with someone else?”

“Someone else? What, and not me?”

Rafael shrugged.

“How could I be upset? It’s not like...like you and I...you’re not, like, mine...”

“Well, no. Because you and I don’t believe in ownership of another, correct?” Rafael lowered his voice for only Carisi to hear in the already empty room, “But my heart has always belonged to you, Carisi.”

Carisi looked at him softly.

Rafael leaned forward and delicately kissed his waiting lips. It was barely a kiss, just a little, soft peck. He left his lips brushed against Carisi’s as he spoke.

“Did you at least like what you saw, Carisi?”

The blush spread across Carisi’s cheeks again. “Yeah,” he whispered.

“I was imagining you,” Rafael admitted. It wasn’t false. With Carisi right there, it wasn’t difficult for his imagination to wander. Carisi writhing under him, Carisi whispering his name desperately, Carisi crying out, Carisi coming undone beneath him.

“You were?” Carisi asked.

“I think about you all the time, Sonny.”

Carisi kissed him this time. “I do, too. I...Rafael, I—“

When they parted, Rafael muttered, “I know.” He glanced down at Carisi’s crotch, just an inch away from his and bulging slightly.

“Did you get off yesterday?” Rafael asked.

“No,” Carisi said, to Rafael’s surprise. “Not then, at least.”

“What do you mean?” Rafael asked, running his knuckles up Carisi’s fly.

Carisi sighed. He didn’t pull away. “I...waited until I got home.”

“Did you think of me then?” He touched Carisi again. This time more firm.

“Yes,” Carisi said.

Rafael palmed Carisi’s growing erection. “Did you think of me fucking you? Sucking you off?”

“Opposite,” Carisi said, gasping. “Me sucking you off.”

Rafael grinned. “You liked that part, huh? I thought you might have. I want that too, Sonny. Your mouth has driven me crazy for months.”

Rafael stroked Sonny hard in his slacks, and Carisi surged forward to capture Rafael’s mouth in a searing kiss. Carisi sucked at Rafael’s lips, his tongue, and pushed into his hand.

Rafael wasted no time. He unbuckled Carisi’s belt, then dipped his hand into the other man’s underwear. He wrapped a hand tight around Carisi’s length and stroked.

“Oh god, Rafael,” Carisi sighed, eyes squeezing shut as he rested his forehead against Rafael’s.

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Sonny,” Rafael said, kissing his lips over and over, stroking his cock in his pants.

Carisi held onto his arms, clutching him tightly with each pulse of pleasure, with each upstroke of Rafael’s hand. Rafael loved the hot feel of Sonny, and he desired greatly to have Sonny alone in a bed. But he had time, he figured.

It wasn’t long before Carisi came in Rafael’s hand, moaning gently and gorgeously. Rafael loved it, he wanted to hear it over and over again.

When Carisi relaxed against him again, Rafael moved away to clean his hand. Carisi straightened up his clothes.

“You know,” Carisi said. “We still have stuff to talk about.”

“What, like you watching me have sex?”

“You letting me see you having sex, maybe,” Carisi argued. “God, I’m never going to be able to face Howard again.”

“He doesn’t like you that much anyway.”

Carisi snorted. “Why, because of you?”

“No, because you’re annoying.”

Carisi shrugged, clearly unbothered. “That’s fine. ‘Cause you like me, right?”

Rafael stepped up to him again. “Do I?”

Carisi’s eyes widen slightly. “Don’t you—“

Rafael smiled. “Relax, Carisi. Yes.”

“Yes, wh—“

Rafael cut him off with a short peck on the lips. “Go to dinner with me tonight.”

Carisi kissed back. “Don’t think you’re off the hook.”

“I didn’t expect to be. We’ll talk. But Sonny?”

“Yes?”

“I promise it’s only you.”

“I know,” Carisi said. Rafael trusted that Carisi believed him. “Sex is just sex, I’m a big boy—“

Rafael smirked and glanced down at his crotch again. “Oh, I know.”

Carisi chuckled. “Shush, that’s not what I meant. I just mean that I know consensual sex between adults isn’t that big of a deal.”

Rafael nodded.

Carisi kissed him again. Then he said, “Dinner. We’ll talk.”

Rafael smiled at him.

“As for work,” Carisi said, picking up his jacket. “You’re done with me, right?”

“Right,” Rafael agreed. He turned back to his desk where the opening statement was left unfinished. “Now to salvage the parts you butchered.”

“Yeah, right. Don’t tell me you only ask me over here just to flirt with me.”

“I plead the fifth.”

Carisi pinched his arm.

“Ow!” Rafael cried, laughing.

“Can’t you be nice to me for once?”

Rafael just smiled.

Carisi smiled back. But it was a new smile. Somehow. Rafael wasn’t sure, but he liked it.

“I’ll see you later,” Carisi said.

Rafael nodded.

Before Carisi got to the door to Rafael’s office, he turned back and looked playful.

“Permission to kiss you goodbye?” Carisi asked.

Rafael smiled. “I’ll allow it.”

Carisi quickly stepped up to Rafael again, cupped Rafael’s face in his hands, and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“I could get used to that,” Carisi said.

“I think I already have.”

Carisi smiled softly. “Okay,” he said, backing away. “I’m really out of here. Call me.”

“I will,” was all Rafael could say before Carisi left the office.

Rafael sat back at his desk and thought. He felt less guilty than he had when he woke up earlier that morning. Sonny was unashamed and understanding, and Rafael was thrilled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this random fic. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
